I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize