and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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