I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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