Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
