Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
