OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
