Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
