Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
