I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
