Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
