Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
