well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
COCAINE IS GR8
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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