Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
