she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
