You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
