maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
