Only a mothe r could love this liver
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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