She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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