he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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