textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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