So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
