i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
