Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
