maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
