Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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