Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
