HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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