just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
