great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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