Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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