fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm both gender and math confused
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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