My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
