Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
is wine microwaveable?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
