I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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