we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think people are normalizing furries
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
