we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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