watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
