Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
