Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
