Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
