He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
