Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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