she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
