He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
