i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
