Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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