You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
