i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
