Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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