you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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