why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
