i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
