A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
