There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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