How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
