hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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