Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
