I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
