FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
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It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
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The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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