Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
