Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
we're so committed to being not committed
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