I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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