We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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