I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
