the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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